Her Viking Page 5
The terrifying grin on Ero’s face grows wider, and I realize he wants me to fight and scream. He relishes in my anguish. I won’t give him that satisfaction.
“Fine, if you’re going to hurt me then just get on with it,” I say darkly, spurring him on.
Ero pulls back slightly, a look of annoyance spreading across his face, and my hopes rise.
“How many opportunities have you had and not taken,” I say slowly, deliberately emphasizing his failures. “I don’t think you can do anything but threaten me, not here, not now. Not using my men.”
Ero’s mouth turns up into a snarl, and I can feel his rage starting to boil over.
“You’ll regret those words, you little minx,” Damien’s voice roars deafeningly in my ears as he pulls my body up toward his face by the neckline of my dress and then throws me roughly back down against the floor.
I’ve made a mistake, and I realize it far too late. I claw at Ero’s eyes, but he easily manages to keep his face out of my reach long enough to slap me hard across the face, stunning me.
Dazed, I can hear the sound of my bodice being torn down the middle and feel the chill of cold air against my now exposed breasts, but I can’t force myself to look away from the empty darkness. I shut my eyes tightly, willing myself to hold back the tears, my face starting to sting violently from the slap.
“I’ll make you hate me in ways you didn’t know were possible,” Damien’s voice says as Ero’s hands find their way under the skirts of my dress, hiking them up and around my hips.
Ero’s hand grabs my face and jerks it toward him.
“Open your eyes.”
I shut them tighter.
“Open your eyes or I’ll hurt Ero,” Damien’s voice says menacingly.
I open my eyes and look up into the black eyes of Damien, my heart breaking for the Ero trapped within. For Roan. For Li. For myself.
“Don’t close them again.”
I watch as Ero pulls his shirt up and over his head, and I can’t help but admire the beauty of his body. Even in the dim light, his muscular torso is perfectly built. Under any other circumstance, I’d happily admire him, but not like this. He is being used just as I am, and Ero has never tried anything like this. This is against everything we’ve fought so hard for.
I look but don’t watch, instead retreating into my thoughts as Damien continues to use Ero’s body for his own vile purpose.
“Please, Roan, find me,” I whisper inside my head. “Please!”
“Lass?”
I start at the sound, but I can’t see or hear anyone else in blackness with us.
“Lass, if you can hear me, I need to know where you are.”
“Roan?” I ask in my mind.
“I’m here. Li and I are coming.”
“It’s Damien, I—”
I gasp, the link with Roan broken as I’m brought back to the scene at hand.
Ero has one of my breasts in his mouth, but he’s sucking on it so hard it’s causing agony rather than pleasure. His other hand seizes my other breast, tugging hard. I yelp in pain, which only makes Damien happier.
Sitting up, Ero undoes his pants and reaches inside. For a brief moment, I think I see a flash of blue in Ero’s eyes and an apologetic expression cross his face, but it’s gone an instant later.
Ero’s expression grows dark and frustrated, and I’m relieved to see why. His cock is flaccid. Any other time I might have been insulted, but for once in my life, I’m actually thrilled to see a limp dick and I can’t help but laugh—a reaction I instantly regret as I am slapped again, even harder this time. I actually see stars and blink, unable to keep tears from spilling over onto my cheeks.
I hear footsteps thudding on the deck above us and I know it won’t be much longer now.
Damien knows it, too. He grabs me by the throat and lifts me to within inches of Ero’s face.
“I may not have been able to take you this time, but rest assured, you’ll never think of your companion the same way after this,” Damien’s voice says cruelly, his grasp around my throat tightening.
I claw at him once again as I try to free myself, this time managing to scratch him sharply across the face.
“Unhand her,” Roan yells as he shoves things aside in his haste to get to us.
Ero’s eyes roll back in his head and he suddenly collapses forward on top of me, crushing me under his bodyweight as I am still gasping for breath. Roan wrenches Ero’s body off of me, hurling him against the side of the ship, and I’m suddenly aware of my own state of being.
Roan drops to his knees and gathers me into his arms, his face wrought with anguish.
“What happened? Tell me everything.”
I look over at Ero, who is still unconscious, but Li attends to him.
“Don’t mind the bastard,” Roan says bitterly. “I’ll never let him hurt you again.”
“It wasn’t Ero.”
“The hell it wasn’t.”
“Honestly, Roan. It was Damien.”
“I’d rather believe it was Ero,” Roan snorts.
“Don’t say that,” I snap. “Damien is trying to pry us apart, and he’s succeeding if words like that come out of your mouth.”
Roan looks at me for a long moment before sighing.
“You’re right, lass. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. My only thought was vengeance, which I can take out on Ero since he’s here and Damien isn’t.”
“I don’t think that would make it any better,” I say quietly.
“Did…did he…” Roan trails off, frowning deeply, not quite sure how to ask.
“I was violated,” I manage to choke out, all the emotions from the afternoon suddenly crashing over me, “but not in the way Damien had hoped.”
Roan pulls me tight against his chest, allowing me to weep into him, relief flooding over me.
“Ero will be okay,” Li says from across the room.
Roan growls but doesn’t say anything.
“We’re going to need to hear his side of the story, too,” Li says. “I’ll help him upstairs.”
Roan nods grudgingly, and Li half-carries, half-walks Ero out of the lower deck.
“Lass, I think you need rest,” Roan says, wiping the tears from my face with the sleeve of his shirt. “And perhaps a new dress.”
I can feel my face flush as I realize my torn bodice is still exposing me to the world, or at least to Roan, who is doing his best not to stare. Tugging my bodice together, I nod.
“Yes, to everything, but not here. I don’t want to be here.”
“Idiot,” Roan groans, getting to his feet. “Sorry, lass. I should have realized that sooner.”
I take his hand as he helps me to my feet, keeping one arm across my chest to hold my bodice in place. Roan carefully guides me through the dark room and we make our way up to the decks above.
Ero is resting in one of the hammocks I’d seen earlier, and Li is sitting nearby as we approach.
“There’s a captain’s quarters up above with a decent mattress if you’d prefer to rest there,” Li says, rising to his feet and moving to place himself between Roan and Ero.
“How is he?” I ask, gesturing toward Ero.
“Drained,” Li answers. “This is the first time I’ve seen Damien drain someone so far.”
I glance worriedly toward Ero, but my gaze doesn’t linger on him long.
“Perhaps we should go upstairs?” Roan asks, gently pulling me toward the upper deck.
I allow him to lead me and we find our way to the captain’s quarters. It’s comfortably decorated with a bed against the back wall and a decently sized window. A large table stands in the middle of the room with several parchments spread out across it.
Roan and I cross the room and I curl up on the bed, pulling a blanket over myself, exhausted.
“Do you want me to stay?”
I turn to look at Roan, concern written on his face.
“I think I’d rather be alone right now,” I say.
I wonder if I’ll ever be able to look at Ero the same way again. Even knowing that it wasn’t his fault, seeing him in the hammock brought back the memory of Damien so vividly I can barely see past it. It’s almost as if, one by one, Damien is ripping us apart.
Sighing deeply, I cry myself to sleep.
Eight
Ero
The struggle was unbearable. I hate to say it, but Loki might not even be a match for Damien. After everything I’ve tried to do to stay away from Annalise, to keep her from tormenting my heart and mind, Damien’s gone and made things far worse.
I didn’t want to admit it before, but back on the ship from France, when whatever that magic was took me over, I could feel Damien. The sudden surge of reckless power connected him to me in a way that terrified me, as though he was able to drain part of the magic from me for his own use. It also left a lasting impression of him on my mind, like a black spot. I’d thought it was getting better until Li asked me to try to channel the magic from before to sail this ship. Perhaps if I learned to control it, I could use it without letting Damien in, but I don’t know how…and then came Annalise.
I don’t know why or how, but I must have triggered Damien’s connection with me when I thought about using the magic again, and he took his opportunity with me. It was already too late by the time I realized I was no longer in control of myself to warn Annalise, and it was different this time. As though Damien and I were two souls in one body, and mine was losing.
I could see, hear, and feel everything he was doing, but only as a spectator…a spectator who couldn’t turn away. He was omnipresent but impossible to find all at once. As soon as I thought I’d gained some ground in taking control, he’d slip away and I’d be forced to watch what happened next.
I’ve always known my heart would be my downfall, so I’d kept it hidden and cold, free from feeling and attachment. But it seems that led me into a far greater trap. I have no foothold when it comes to others. No reason to care, to protect, to fight. It’s made me vulnerable in exactly the way Damien needs, full of hate and distrust, indifference to those around me except for my own benefit. At least, that’s what I thought.
Seeing Annalise through Damien’s eyes, feeling his complete lack of empathy, his desire for pain and torment, was like seeing myself through the eyes of someone else. Not that I ever wished Annalise any harm, but I had felt that same way toward others in my past. A complete disregard for the lives and feelings of those around me, as long as it benefited me.
I don’t know if this realization was what opened me up to the chance to help her, but something did. As soon as I knew I had relinquished part of myself to Annalise, Damien was no longer able to control me in my entirety. I could feel my body responding and I knew that at least I’d done something. I’d failed at protecting myself, but I hadn’t failed completely in protecting her.
I hate myself for opening my heart to her, but there was nothing I could do. There was no other choice.
Do I hate her for it? There’s nothing redeeming about what happened. There’s no good in me. I almost let Damien destroy her instead of accepting that I care for her. I almost let Damien take her because I wanted to have her. Annalise should hate me for what happened…No, she has to hate me.
Nine
Annalise
We must have set sail while I was still asleep. I wake to the rocking of the ship. I tie my bodice together as best I can with some of the longer bits of torn lace and manage to stumble my way out onto the deck, although not without banging my hip against the captain’s table in the process.
“There you are, lass,” Roan calls down from the rigging above.
We’re definitely moving, but I don’t know how they’re managing to handle a ship this size on their own.
“What’s happening?” I ask as Roan makes his way down to me.
“We decided there was no use sitting around, whether or not Ero decides to help,” Roan says. “Li and I cracked open several of the crates and barrels below and found enough water and rations to last us quite some time.”
“How is that even possible?” I ask. “I doubt anyone would willingly leave good food and water lying around unused.”
“Your guess is as good as mine,” Li says from somewhere behind me.
I turn to see him standing beside the ship’s wheel, looking very much the part of captain.
“And…Ero?”
It is harder to say his name than I had anticipated, and it’s starting to worry me.
“He’s still below deck. He hasn’t quite come out of whatever state he was in,” Roan says nonchalantly.
Part of me wants to go check on him, but the vast majority of me never wants to be alone with him ever again. I don’t want to blame Ero for what happened, but neither Roan nor Li have ever let Damien get that far, and it bothers me that Ero did.
“Have you had a chance to talk with him?” I ask.
“No, not yet,” Li answers. “I’ve done the best I can, but there are some things even I can’t force to heal.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s likely he experienced mental trauma, not unlike yourself,” Li answers.
I scoff at the words. Not that I don’t believe it was hard for him, but that it was at all likened to my own experience.
“I’m not justifying what was done,” Li says in response to my reaction. “I’m merely stating that relative to what he’s been through, he’s going to be changed from the experience as well. We just don’t know how, yet.”
“How far do we have to travel?” I ask, changing the subject.
“From what little I know of this part of the world, I’d say anywhere from a few days to a week,” Li says.
“Dinna fash, lass,” Roan says with a small smile. “We won’t be trapped out here for long, and no barrels this time.”
We didn’t seem to get very far for the first two days. Li tended to Ero, but he didn’t do much more than eat and sleep.
Thankfully, there were a fair number of maps and charts to help us navigate the ocean in the captain’s quarters. I knew nothing of this, but Roan and Li seemed to be able to manage it between themselves, at least to the best of their abilities. Not that it hadn’t cost us a day of travel already from a slight miscalculation in direction.
“We should be sailing close to this area by now,” Roan says, pointing to part of the map.
I watch from my place on the bed as Li frowns at the map.
“Then we shouldn’t be more than a day from land,” Li says.
“We’re going to need Ero to help us,” says Roan. “We’ve made it this far without his help, but neither of us knows exactly where we’re going.”
“You’re right. We’ll speak with him in the morning. I’ll do my best to set us on course for the time being and wake you when it’s your turn to guide the ship.”
Li studies the map for a moment longer before leaving Roan and myself alone in the captain’s quarters.
“May I stay with you tonight, lass?”
I feel guilty as soon as he asks. I hadn’t let him or any of them stay with me for very long on their own since Ero attacked me, not even Roan. It wasn’t that I blamed any of them, but I wanted to be alone. I had no desire to be around men right now, even if those men were my companions. It’s as if a part of me has been trapped inside an emotionless fortress and I don’t want to let anyone in…not yet.
Looking down at my hands, I try to think of a way to answer him that won’t sound hurtful.
Roan cups my chin in his hand and raises my face to look at him.
“You can always be honest with me,” Roan says. “I may not understand, but I’ll do my best to try.”
“Thank you,” I say softly, a twinge of pain stinging my heart. “I just have to be alone right now.”
“As you wish,” Roan says, his thumb caressing my cheek for
a lingering moment before he leaves.
As soon as he’s gone, I wish he’d stayed.
They must have managed to speak with Ero at some point during the night. My heart drops into my stomach at the sight of him on deck, working diligently.
“Damn fools,” Ero growls to himself, tugging hard on one of the ropes for the sails until he’s satisfied with it and then knotting the rope tightly in place. Sweat glistens on his brow and bare torso, and I find I have to avert my eyes almost immediately.
Li is behind the wheel of the ship, holding it fast while Roan is nowhere to be seen. I walk up the steps to stand by Li.
“Good morning,” he says.
I smile and look out at the never-ending expanse of ocean surrounding us.
“How far off are we?”
“If all goes well, we should reach land sometime later today.”
The sun glints off Ero’s chest, and I can’t stop myself from looking toward him.
“And what about him?” I ask, not wanting to say his name.
“Ero?” Li asks, his eyes flitting to me briefly. “He was finally able to tell us a little more about what happened. You should talk to him. When you’re ready.”
My mouth goes dry at the thought, but I know he’s right. We have to stand strong together, and I don’t know how we’ll manage to do that if I can’t even look at, let alone speak to, Ero.
“Perhaps later,” I say. “Where’s Roan?”
“I think he’s below deck, preparing something for us to eat.”
Descending from the hull, I make my way toward the entrance to the deck below, but before I reach it, a voice stops me in my tracks.
“Annalise?”
It’s Ero, but he hasn’t come close enough to be within reach of me. I don’t say anything and keep my eyes trained on the floor.
“Annalise, I need you to know that I’d never do something like that to you. Not of my own volition.”
I know this is true, but all I feel is anger. Every time I look at him, all I can see is Damien…and remember what happened. My jaw clenches to keep me from saying something I might regret and, instead, I simply nod and descend below deck.